Sunday, 22 January 2012

Newt for President

"What ho Jeeves", I said, as I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the morning paper, carefully laid out on the tray beside a plate of the best E&B. "What ho....", I repeated feeling a certain strain in the grey matter brought on by the exertions of the night before coupled with the paper's headline.


Newt for President

Jeeves inclined an eye in my direction. "Jeeves", I went on, " are my eyes deceiving me but can our cousins across the pond be thinking of electing a newt for their President? Did they cut the ties from the maternal  apron for such a thing as this? Did they dispatch all that tea into Boston harbour to be ruled by one of Gussie Fink-Nottle's pets?"

I must hand it to Jeeves. Even first thing in the morning he is all tickety boo bright as a button and not even the weird and wonderful ways of the Yankeedoodlers can phase him.

"Sir" he replied, "You have mistaken an amphibian of the family Salamandridae for the former speaker of the House of Representatives. Mr Newt Gingrich, for that is his name, is indeed a candidate for the office of President of the United States of America. And if I may say so he is likely to be referred to in many more reptilian likenesses before his campaign reaches its climax at the Republican party convention in Florida such is my understanding of the rough and tumble of American politics. But he is most definitely homo sapiens or as close to one as any candidate for the nomination of that party might get"

Just managing to stay in touch with Jeeves formidable intellect the famed Wooster brain clicked fully into gear. "I say, Jeeves, I have a great idea. I am meeting said Gussie at the Drones for a spot of lunch today. Just think. At last a use for those infernal pets of his. All of Mr Newt's supporters will want to show their undying loyalty and support by having one of his namesakes to remind them of their hero everyday."

At this I detected a slight cough coming form the Jeeves direction. The kind of noise you get used to hearing when Jeeves is none to impressed with one of Bertram's schemes. But Bertram was not deterred.

"Pack the bags, Jeeves, make the reservations. We can even use the time on the crossing for Gussie's newts to go forth and multiply. Florida here we come!"

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