The Back to Front Planet

It seems a long time since I was in this part of the galaxy. I had heard rumours that a race of blond haired supermen now ruled some of the nations here. But in spite of their great intellect and power a hideous plague had ravaged their lands. Many were spared by vaccinations only to be gripped by fear of wokes living among them. Yet even I know that wokes are the brothers and sisters of wookies and ewoks and greatly to be cherished.

Nonetheless I materialised in a pleasant spot which hardly prepared me for the news that greeted me no sooner had I opened the door of the Tardis.

My intergalactic passport now counts for nothing in these days. Can you believe it? Something to do with Brexit whatever that was. My only visa is a credit card. Therefore confess it I must. I am an illegal alien. The only mercy is I do not travel in a small boat.

People tell me the government of these isles where I used to be so welcome has now decided on special means to help  with the deportation of we illegal aliens. Ministers have finally decided to give up on exiling us to the safe haven that is Rwanda. After spending fortunes proving it to be the jolliest place on planet earth they thought there might just be a risk some refugees might fancy coming here for the chance of a free air flight to this African paradise. 

Much better to go for a truly stellar solution.

And where might that be? The planet Oracs of course where there is plenty of room and no danger of a return to the original  place of departure. Refoulement no chance! The government will therefore soon begin a media blizzard telling everyone how kind and welcoming the leaders of this world really are. The one eyed Skelad sadly know lots about discrimination. They will be full of sympathy and kindness offering an open plunger/hand in friendship. 

The one difficulty? The only English word they speak is "exterminate".  But I am told I misheard. In that back to front planet "exterminate" actually is an invite to party. It really means "cheers have another drink on me". And in case there is any doubt Parliament will soon enact a law to make that clear and no one can say any different.

The only trouble is I have been to that planet. Which is why I will be dematerialising again soon.

Perhaps even yesterday.