Journeys

Christmas is full of them.

Journeys for Joseph and Mary, for the shepherds and the magi and all to Bethlehem. Some knew the way.  Others like the magi came a distance and took a detour to Jerusalem first even though they had the first ever SatNav.

And this Christmas Mrs FLN all the way to Dallas on her own.  Fighting her way through the snow and the check in queues and seeing all the disappointment of so many stuck at Heathrow these past few days and wondering if she would ever make it. And now she's approaching the Great Lakes as I write this. I am so proud of her.

But she is not quite alone in fact because I am reliably told that those intrepid reindeer Robbie and Rudolf are making the trip as well. Rudolf was all ready to fly Mrs FLN to Heathrow to make the connection. After all a few hundred miles down the spine of England is a mere training outing for Santa's finest the day before Christmas Eve. And they will be keeping a close eye on Mrs FLN all the time she is in the cowboy state.

There are other journeys some of my friends are taking which will not end this Christmas and they are not about going to Bethlehem.  Sometimes those journeys will seem very alone. Yet even then I would be surprised if there isn't a reindeer around somewhere. Watch out for them if you do not know already who they are.

Lord High Executioner

Am I the only one of the planet who is beginning to tire of Mr Julian Assange. 

There is only so much self righteous arrogant priggery a Timelord can take especially when it is the kind of concentrated dose this guy dishes out for our daily consumption. Perhaps it is all that frustrated or not so frustrated testosterone lying around in his system. If I were his host at his mansion retreat I would fear for spontaneous combustion and a nasty hole in the floorboards.

Like all men full of their own importance there is a certain comic touch about our Julian. As judge jury and executioner dispensing his leaks like the thunderbolts of the gods he protests when his targets bite back. How WS Gilbert would have loved him.  

Of course his acolytes turn their fire on those who dare oppose him. Paypal  Mastercard and Visa risk denial of service attacks for withdrawing their services from wikileaks.

So can Timelord now expect the wrath of the Anonymous for daring to publish this blog. Fear not. I  have lodged 3 million replicas in every galaxy of the solar system just in case.

A's bees swarm....

....C sees the bees and seizes them with E's. Whose bees are they?

So went the exam question in Timelord's Roman Law paper a long time ago now. And since then I have had a sort of sneaking admiration for these industrious insects in their hives if not a liking for the honey they produce.

Keeping bees in urban areas has grown in popularity in recent times in line with the ravages of bee colonies by parasitic mites. Timelord has even thought of a hive to the rear of the Tardis. Making illicit honey used to attract a $2,000 fine in New York but now there is a thriving community of bee keepers in Brooklyn. But sadly the bees have started turning red and their honey looks like bright red goo.

Careful detective work has discovered that the bees have been hitting the corn syrup at the local cherry factory in record numbers. They have found out that bins of marinating cherries are moved from one warehouse to another It only takes one bee to find a yummy treat like this and A's bees will swarm there along with C's D's E's and everyone else's. Forget the hard work of pollinating flowers and fruit trees and the like especially in a big city even if it is a mile to get there. And the result is not quite the delicious honey their owners were expecting.

It makes you wonder if the bee hives of Burton might produce marmite flavoured honey. Now there's a thought!

Bye bye milk bottle I knew you well

There was a time long long ago when Teapot was small when she used to go to the farm to collect the daily milk ration with her dad. They would come away with a jug full of the warm unpasteurised fluid just as nature made it and the cow delivered it. There were even horses and carts delivering milk to the door from a skillet in those far off days.

Wind forward a few years or so and here in the Tardis we had milk delivered by a cheery friendly milkman. Come rain shine hail or snow he faithfully delivered the goods. Rising prices did not deter us. I even coped with his early morning calls to collect his money. Sadly when Curly Al left the Tardis the milkie no longer worked for us when our need for pints was not so regular.

Off we went then to the supermarket like most other people to buy our plastic litres for the week and freeze those not immediately needed. But the waste in all those plastic containers!!

So I was certainly up for the new milk bags which have now been introduced by Sainsburys. You need to buy a special jug in which the bag sits but milk in the bag is cheaper than in the plastic bottle because of the huge saving in packaging. They do need a bit of accommodating. They don't stack in the fridge. And do not freeze in a wire rack. Piercing the top calls for a deft stab from the plastic connector in the jug. Otherwise expect a jug full of milk which will not pour as expected. And I am waiting for the first bag to burst all over the shopping trolley or in the shopping bag.

But hey if you have ever tried to get milk from an eopie on the planet Tatooine or seen the 3,000 metre high plastic milk bottle mountains on the moons of the Vong galaxy you would be rushing to buy your milk bags just like me!

 

Would it be only Scrooge...

...who would find the current crop of retail store ads for Christmas a bag of humbugs!

Apparently John Lewis is the best of the crop this year according to retail analyst "Verdict". In case you have been on an expedition to the Congolese jungle for the last week or so here is the posting on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4LLxR4zmkg

In fact there is only so much snow a man can take in November even if it is on TV and provided by Tesco Sainsburys, Morrisons, Marks and Spencers and the rest. The fact we have a dusting of the white stuff outside today and there have been great dollops in Northumberland and Scotland this week must have something to do with all the snow machines being used by the admen on these productions.

You would think that a comedian like Peter Kay would have better things to do. In fact M&S doesn't even have a store in Chorley. Can we expect his next nationwide tour to be a march through the M&S stores in the land with a routine starting in the food department by the cauliflowers on the left followed by a chasse through the women's lingerie and a final leap to the men's woolly jumpers?

The only conclusion can be he is in training for next year's Strictly!

Tying the Knot

The film "Mandelson the real Prime Minister" has just opened in London. In the film Mandy is said to have lost patience with Gordon Brown's media presence, or rather lack of it, saying

"I've given up - I'd settle for the tie being straight".

Now here is a little secret. Teapot has a sort of liking for the Prince of Darkness. As soon as his oily voice comes on the radio or the TV she goes all a quiver. But she has not given up on Timelord. That's even though most days he goes to work she has to make sure his tie is straight.

There is something  kind of comforting  about the Teapot tie straightening ritual these dark mornings. Perhaps the kind of feeling Bertram Wooster had on leaving for the Drones Club in the knowledge Jeeves had made sure everything was spick and span. Although I would not want anyone to think that a partners meeting at Wragge & Co LLP was anything like a gathering of Gussy Finknottle, Barmy Fungy Phipps, Tuppy Glossop, Boko Fittleworth and their chums.

What is unusual these days is for any of the men in the office to wear a tie at all. Sometimes ties are produced only when about to meet a client and then not always. So come Tuesday's partners meeting there is a fair chance that Timelord will be the sole tie wearer in the room.

This rather reflects my non-conformist rebellious streak. It may explain why at a rather splendid wedding in Christ Church College Chapel this summer Timelord was the only man present without a tie......

......or was it because Teapot was on her way back from France at the time and there was no one to straighten it?

Stoning

This is Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani currently under a suspended sentence of death by stoning for the offence of adultery in Iran.  One of her lawyers has fled to Norway with an arrest warrant on his head.She has now apparently been convicted of conspiracy to murder her husband and faces death by hanging.

Perhaps an attempt to make her case seem no different to the plight of some women convicted for murder in parts of the USA. A smokescreen if ever there was one.

Whatever spin the Iranian authorities try to put on all this we have to call it as it is. Death by stoning. Barbaric. Death for adultery. Horrific.

I am reminded of Jesus who was faced with a woman caught in adultery and religious leaders who wanted to apply the law of Moses and see her stoned. And then his timeless words "let him who is without sin cast the first stone".

Let us call that for what it is. Mercy. And mercy meeting the guilt we all have to handle whatever its cause.